So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
