I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
