Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
