And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we're making bets on your personal life
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
