I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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