I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
