I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
