Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
