so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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