Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
