she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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