I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
