I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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