What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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