I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
