You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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