there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
