im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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