Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
