I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
