My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
