And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
