just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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