i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
