3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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