he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
