Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
