Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
