I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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