If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
