im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
we're so committed to being not committed
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