theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
