oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my vag is so smooth its legendary
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize