Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
