I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
