If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
