I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
