ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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