There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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