If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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