her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
