Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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