remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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