I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
