hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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