The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
