i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
