I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
