Duck Duck Cougar?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
