where am i from again
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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