If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
