I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
