Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
