So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
