I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
