So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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