This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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