Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize