You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I just sharted jello shots
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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