i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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