I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
